


Lonely Hearts Club

by SleeplessInGeneral



Series: Patton's Dating Services [1]
Category: Sanders Sides, Thomas Sanders
Genre: I hope, M/M, kinda angsty, takes place about half a year before Patton's Dating Services, the true reason why Roman hates vday
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-09
Updated: 2018-04-09
Packaged: 2019-04-20 18:18:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,683
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14266839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SleeplessInGeneral/pseuds/SleeplessInGeneral
Summary: ‘Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking but my smile still stays on…'Or, the reason Roman hates Valentine's Day.(TW: Includes flashbacks to abuse and gaslighting, as well as mentions of harm (not necessarily self-harm, but cutting).)





	Lonely Hearts Club

**Author's Note:**

> So this was originally posted on my tumblr (fluidityandgiggles), and...
> 
> Story time, I created a playlist for this story. That playlist has some Hamilton, some PMJ… some of everything that I love.
> 
> That “some”, though, includes Save Me and a tiny song called Out Of Charge, which I recommend everyone listen to. (And also the angsty jazz cover of what is love, but we don’t talk about that.)
> 
> Guess who’s been writing this little piece of angst since five in the morning listening to Freddie Mercury and Angela Webber utterly smashing his heart. Yup… I’ve definitely regretted those coffee-related cramps today. (Yes I had coffee while writing part of this. I can't have coffee. I fucked up. I'm sorry.)
> 
> At any case, TW: Includes flashbacks to abuse and gaslighting, as well as mentions of harm (not necessarily self-harm, but cutting). See yourselves warned.

Roman hates Valentine's Day.

It's not that he doesn't appreciate it as a holiday - although Logan's rants about how this holiday is truly a Hallmark holiday may or may not have gotten to him - but just that he absolutely hates this holiday and sees no appeal to it. And struggles to understand why he ever liked this holiday.

Because he once did.

Every Valentine's Day would start with Patton singing love songs off the top of his lungs, pulling Logan out of bed and into the kitchen with him. Virgil would follow suit, rather annoyed at the rude wake up call but happy to be getting pancakes. And Roman…

Waking the others up was once his job. Being overly cheerful and bright and in love on this horrid day was once his thing. But he just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't something… it just wasn't something he felt comfortable with anymore.

"Hey, kiddo… happy Valentine's day." Patton's voice was soft. He was in his onesie - as usual for today - and clutching onto a giant unicorn plushie. "How are you feeling today?"

"Utterly spent."

"I'm sorry… I shouldn't have asked." Patton went and sat down on Roman's bed, handing him the unicorn. "I made pancakes."

"Thanks, padre. But not now." And then, "and never apologize! You are doing nothing wrong."

"Do you need anything, sweetheart?"

"Not now. Thanks though."

With a kiss on the top of his head, Patton got up and left. Leaving the plushie - fittingly named Logic - behind for Roman to cuddle.

Things were… not okay today.

\--

_"Aren't you happy someone like me loves you?"_

_"Y- yes…"_

_"Look at you, Roman… so daft and desperate. You're lucky you're pretty, you know."_

_They've been dating for a fair few years now. He always knew how to give the best compliments, how to treat Roman properly… but… things were changing. He wasn't complimenting him as much anymore. He didn't… he wasn't good enough anymore._

_"I wouldn't exactly say daft. Desperate, sure… but not daft."_

_"Virgil," the snake-eyed man - Lionel - said with a smirk. "How kind of you to join us."_

_"Cut the bullshit."_

_"Well… if you say so."_

_\--_

Virgil got severely injured that day  _because of Roman_. It was something the prince couldn't forgive himself for.

Add to that, Virgil was blasting Queen in his room. Nothing new in the least but the songs didn't exactly help Roman in his current state.

‘ _Inside my heart is breaking, my makeup may be flaking but my smile still stays on…'_

And then Roman decided that breakfast might be the best course of action at the moment.

* * *

 

"Good morning, Roman," Logan mumbled from behind his paper. He was doing the crossword. In his unicorn onesie.

Truly a classic Valentine's Day sight.

"Hey kiddo! It's nice that you joined us!" Patton immediately started piling strawberry pancakes onto Roman's favorite plate (not that he'll ever admit it). The purple one with all the Mickey Mouses on it.

Again, not like he'll ever admit it's his favorite.

"Would you mind if I went to ask Virgil to turn the volume down?"

"Of course not, Lolo-"

"Please don't." Two pairs of bespectacled eyes turned to Roman. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean…"

"You don't mind the volume of the music?"

"No, not really. It's… calming, in a way. That I can hear what Virgil is listening to."

_In a way, it's what I feel like right now too._

"That's perfectly fine, Roman." Patton smiled at him, looking awfully exhausted. "We'll be marathoning Disney today, okay? If you need anything-"

"Just ask. I know, Watson. Thank you."

"Great. Tea?"

_‘Can anybody find me somebody to love…'_

_You and me both, God. You and me both._

"Yeah. Thanks."

"No prob, Bob!"

* * *

 

"I wanna give my life to you all day," Virgil was singing outside Roman's door. "But sometimes I come up empty… my heart just doesn't hold charge the way it did not so long ago…"

It was becoming irritating. Honestly.

The moment Virgil turned off the Queen playlist, he started singing All Of You out loud. A rather angsty version of All Of You, Roman noted. And then he started screaming Bon Jovi alongside his phone. And now this…

Roman had had it.

"I wanna give you love the way you give me yours, so full and gently," Roman shouted back. "But my heart just isn't working right, I think it may have broke!"

"It may have broke over the summer-"

"When I let someone betray it!"

And then, just then, did Panic At The Everywhere enter Roman's room.

"I thought that it was safe but someone drained my love away…" Virgil didn't sing. He just… stood there, looking at Roman like he was some sort of… what?

_A monster. That's what you are right now._

"I let him drain my love away, and it's hurting me to say it, cause the thing I want the most is to give my love to you each day…"

_You're too daft and desperate for anyone but me to love you._

"I wanna give my love to you all day, but sometimes I come up empty… my heart just doesn't hold charge the way it did not so long ago. I wanna give my love to you all day, but sometimes I come up empty…"

Virgil still looked at him like that. Arms crossed. A weird look in his eyes.

"My heart just doesn't hold charge the way it did not so long ago…"

_Aren't you happy someone like me loves you?_

_So daft and desperate…_

"My heart just doesn't hold charge the way it did…"

"…not so… come on Princey."

"The way it did… not… so long ago…"

* * *

 

The scars have long healed. Roman… didn't.

And as much as Roman irritated him, Virgil couldn't bear to see him torturing himself in his mind.

"I'm not gonna tell you not to cry but you really shouldn't be crying right now." Roman didn't listen. He just… fell on his bed, face in pillow, screaming. "Come on, Romano, let's talk about this!"

"I have nothing to talk to you about, Virgil!"

No nickname, huh.

"I know that right now you think it's near impossible to get over this bullshit that he put you through. I was there. Fuck, I'm still there. But you wanna know something?" Roman grunted, still smooshed against his pillow. "There's such a thing called getting better, Sir Sing-a-Lot!"

"Don't just say it and expect some sort of magic to happen, okay?"

"It will take a long time, Roman. A really long time. But things will be better if you'd let them, okay?" Roman struck him an evil glare. "We're all here to help you manage it when you feel like it's time. Yes, even myself."

"…I just hate this day. There is nothing special about today!"

"I know, Roman. Believe me." Virgil started pulling on his sleeves. It was becoming an impulse.

_"Cut the bullshit."_

_"Well… if you say so."_

"Wanna join me tonight? I'm going out." Roman turned away from Virgil.  _Shit._  "It's just… it's a house band thing. At a bar I like. Nothing like… you know." There was no respond. "Just… grunt if you wanna go out to see some really talented people perform. Some really talented people who don't work with you."

Roman groaned in annoyance.

"Good. No dress code. Just be ready by eight."

* * *

 

"Oh, you're leaving already?" Patton called from the couch, still glued to Logan's side. It was truly endearing.

"Virgil said so."

Roman was wearing his red leather jacket.  _The one Virgil bought him after Lionel._  He was pulling at his sleeves, looking anywhere but at Patton, and…

Virgil. In the hallway, holding his hoodie over one shoulder.

_His scars exposed. The scars that Roman caused him. Those scars._

"You ready to go, Princey?"

"Ready as I'll ever be, I guess…" The taller purple-haired man sneaked a hand around Roman's waist.  _Grounding. Comfortable. Eerily romantic. We'll worry about that later._  "Did you bring your wallet?"

"Yes. Did you bring your charger?"

"Always. Ready to go, you incredible sulk?"

Virgil grunted and started walking to the door, pulling Roman with him. "See you later, nerds!"

"Have fun, kiddos!" Patton gave them a big smile, much different than the tired one from the morning, and the two were out.

Roman started feeling conscious about wearing makeup. Lionel never… he thought Roman should never wear makeup outside the house or his job. Roman thought otherwise, clearly he didn't develop such incredible makeup skills for nothing, but… Lionel was right. It was… undignified.

"Your makeup looks great tonight, Princey."

_Wait, really?_

"Th- thank you…"

"Red and gold really go well with your eye color, you know."

"Of course I know. Makeup is an art, it's an expertise, something you would know nothing about, my darling dear emo nightmare."

"Well, I actually do make an effort to make my eyeshadow look good, okay?"

"Doesn't mean you're an expert just yet. But worry not, my young padawan, for I shall teach you the ways of the Jedi!"

"…where did that come from?"

"Patton."

"Figures."

The bar Virgil took him to was dark, cozy and slightly worrying on the creepy side of things.  _Just like Surly Temple himself._  But Roman loved it. There were no cheesy love songs, no tacky decorations, just a dark space, booths, a stage, a band currently covering Love Shack by the B52s, and…

And the prince was the most comfortable he's been in a while.

Virgil urged him to order food and drinks, get wasted, "just forget everything that's happened today because right now you're really tense and I can't believe I'm admitting to this but I miss seeing you being a rave slut."

"I was never that, Sanders. Mind your words next time." Roman said all that with a giant smile after ordering.

Maybe tonight was a good chance to let go. To relax.

…or at least to start. Because the voice was never going away, and he knew that. But if only for tonight, he could let himself forget that the voice is even there.


End file.
